I have a CONFESSION to make...

I have a CONFESSION to make...

Honestly...I don’t really like 'playtime' with my kids.

For me, the invitation to "come play" doesn't spark joy; it sparks a subtle, nagging sense of dread. There - I said it! 

Once and a while I can muster up the whimsy to engage, but for the most part - after a loonnnng day of playing a mental game of tennis with colleagues, juggling thoughts in my own brain about what to do about dinner, & architecting future plans for summer - I’m just not that into it or maybe just don't have the capacity for it?

I love my kids fiercely, yet the prospect of narrating a tea party for the fourth time today feels more draining than a cross-country flight. I just wanted to share this because if you too find yourself checking the clock during a game of tag at the park or feeling physically restless while building blocks, you aren't a "bad mom." You’re likely a person experiencing the invisible friction between modern parenting expectations and human adult psychology.

The Reality Behind the Guilt

The cultural expectation that mothers must be primary playmates is a relatively modern phenomenon. Historically, children played in multi-generational groups or with peers while parents focused on the labor of running a household. 

Today, we face a "play gap" where intensive parenting suggests that every moment of a child’s day should be enriched by adult interaction.

The data suggests we are far from alone in this nagging thought. According to a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, parental burnout—characterized by emotional detachment and a sense of "running on empty"—is increasingly common in high-pressure parenting cultures. Furthermore, research from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) emphasizes that while play is essential for child development, self-directed play (play without adult intervention) is arguably more beneficial for a child’s creativity, problem-solving skills, and executive function.

When we dislike playing, it’s often because adult brains crave "flow"—the state of being fully immersed in a task that is appropriately challenging. Playing "house" rarely provides flow; instead, it provides overstimulation and a lack of autonomy.

 

Here Are My Low-Barrier Solutions for the Play-Averse:

If "floor time" feels like a chore, it’s time to redefine what engagement looks like. You don’t have to enter their world completely to be a present parent. Here are three practical, low-barrier shifts:

1. Parallel Play 

Take a page from the toddler playbook. Sit in the same space as your child, but engage in your own restorative activity. Read your book while they build Legos; sketch while they color. You are modeling focused attention and providing the "secure base" they need without having to voice-act a dinosaur.

2. The "Sidekick" Approach

Instead of being the director of the play, be the assistant. Ask, "What is my job?" Usually, they just need someone to hold the tape, hand them the blue blocks, or be the "customer" in their pretend store. This requires far less mental energy than trying to lead the narrative yourself.

3. Invitations to Your World

Stop trying to get on the floor all the time and instead bring them up to your level. High-barrier "play" is tedious; low-barrier "connection" is sustainable. Invite them to help you prep dinner, sort the colorful laundry for the wash or have them find all the socks and put them in a pile while you fold the rest of the clothes; listen to a podcast or music together while you walk. To a child, being included in your "real" world is often more validating than a forced game of Hide-and-Seek.

Embracing the "Good Enough" Playmate

Relinquishing the role of "Entertainment Director" isn't just a gift to your mental health—it’s a gift to your child. When we step back, we give them the space to get bored. Boredom is the precursor to imagination.

By setting boundaries around how you play, you are teaching your children that you are a whole person with your own preferences and limits. You can be a warm, empathetic, and deeply connected mother without ever enjoying a game of "The Floor is Lava." Your value is in your presence, your stability, and your love—none of which require you to like playing with dolls.

With you in the trenches, 

Ashley

P.S. Let me know if this resonates with you by hitting 'reply' or share any topics you'd like me to cover - I read every note! Thanks for your love and support, all.