Are You Surviving or Choosing?

Hey Friends,

Let’s be real for a second: When was the last time you felt like you were actually choosing your day, rather than just surviving it?

If you feel like a hamster on a gold-plated wheel—running faster and faster but somehow staying in the exact same spot of exhaustion—you aren’t alone. Most of us are taught to be "goal-oriented." We set the target, we white-knuckle our way toward it, and we wonder why we feel like a shell of a human once we finally (if ever) get there.

I was recently listening to the Mel Robbins podcast with Dr. Tara Swart (Thank you Katie for recommending this!), and it sparked a massive reminder of why I lead with "core value work" in my coaching practice. It’s not just some "woo-woo" sh!t; it is a fundamental pillar of recovery from stress and burnout.

Here’s the thing: Goals are about the what. Values are about the how and the why.

Rooting your behaviors against your core values is what builds a life of sustained health. Think of your values as the GPS for your soul. If your goal is "get a promotion" but your core value is "quality time with family," and that promotion requires 80-hour weeks... you’re going to hit burnout. Not because you aren’t capable, but because you are out of alignment. 

The trick is recognizing that values aren't static. We update our phone software every other week (usually at the most inconvenient times), but we rarely update our internal operating system. We enter different seasons of life—parenthood, career pivots, grieving, or "the season of me"—that require different needs to be met. Burnout is often just a very loud, very annoying "Check Engine" light telling you that your current behavior is grinding against an old set of values.

So, how do we fix the friction?

The Solution: The 3-Minute Values Filter

You don’t need a week-long silent retreat in the woods to find alignment (though, honestly, that sounds lovely). You just need a filter.

1. The Annual Audit: Once a year, sit down and pick your top 5 core values (e.g., Agency, Connection, Vitality, Peace, Growth). Rank them and post them somewhere visible. This is your "North Star" for the next 12 months. [Here's an article with a list of 220 core values for inspo].

2. The Daily Micro-Habit: Every morning, look at your to-do list through the lens of those values. Ask yourself: "Does this task serve one of my top 5?"

3. The Power of 'No': When a request comes in that makes you want to crawl out of your skin, check it against the filter. If it doesn’t align, that’s your permission to say no.

Now I know it isn't realistic to think you could do this with every request or task, but it will make a huge difference if you begin to shift your behavior & mindset in just assessing through this filter on the daily.  

When you check in on these daily, you stop chasing and overextending. You start choosing intentionally where to spend your precious energy. Alignment isn't a destination you reach; it’s a series of small, intentional choices you make every single Tuesday at 2:00 PM.

That’s how fulfillment grows. That’s how you stop white-knuckling and start living with agency.

I’m curious—what’s one value you’ve realized has shifted for you lately? Reply and let me know. I read every single one.

With Love & Wild Possibility,

Ashley